Not long ago, I was in Los Angeles to perform on Americas Got Talent. During the shoot, the days were long and the pressure was intense. I found myself hovering around the Dunkin Donuts table a bit too much. I felt I better ease up on the sugary carbs and find me something sensible to keep up with the demanding pace. So, I went in search of fare that’s on the heart smart ‘n healthy side of things. Los Angeles has a lot of healthy eateries to choose from, and it is a daunting task to narrow it down to just one.
I found myself standing at the corner of Santa Monica Boulevard and Kings Road, and felt a little meltdown coming on. Started getting quite sadgry. That’s when this fella approached me and asked to me if I was lost. I gave him my story, and he says in a Long Island accent “Well hell guy, you’re in luck!” as he pointed over my shoulder. This fella was none other than Slim Jim Phantom of the influential world-renowned rock group Stray Cats, and directly behind me was the West Hollywood landmark, Hugo’s.
As we enter, the host, who must be an actor, greets us warmly. I’m half expecting a chilly & suspicious greeting due to, as they call it in Scotland, my “fancy dress”. I couldn’t have been more incorrect. Slim Jim and I are quickly shown to our table at the window. It was what is called in tavern jargon a “four top”. Four seats for just two dudes. Is this the VIP treatment? I guess so. The waiter approaches casually but with great purpose. His name escapes me now, but I’m sure he was an actor. He asks if we would like to start with a refreshing beverage. He literally said, “would you gents like to start off with a refreshing beverage?” and he flashed a Hollywood smile. I, of course, order coffee, while Slim Jim chooses coffee. The coffee arrives piping hot in classic diner earthenware cups. The kind with a saucer. I inquire about their dairy alternatives. Our server informs me that they have soy, almond, coconut and oat milks. I say “sounds delicious, I’ll take it”, and off he goes without batting an eye, to bring me an alternative milk array.
As we peruse the menu enjoying our coffees, I realize that the Hugo’s comprehensive menu can accommodate just about every kind of dietary requirement. Whether you’re carnivorous, pescatarian, lacto-ovo, lactose intolerant, oil free, gluten free, vegan, vegetarian or methodist. They can straighten you right the “F” out. Slim Jim confesses that he is strictly of the plant-based diet persuasion. “Holy cow!” I think to myself, “Me, too!”. I really like this guy. He orders a “create a plate” of roasted yams and sweet potatoes, black beans, leafy greens and brown rice. Hmmm, very spartan. I’m a little self conscious now. I order the Very Green Casserole (vegan style) and a Wild Arugula Salad with lemon. Our food arrives. Quickly, I dispatch my salad first, because that’s how I roll. The very Green Casserole is layers of tasty comfort. As I attack this casserole of goodness, Slim Jim regales me with tales of his adventures in Los Angeles throughout the 1980’s & 90’s. Many of them involving meeting friends for Hugo’s breakfast at three o’clock in the afternoon after a night of raucous and often times provocative LA nightlife adventures. I was riveted. You can read about many of Slim Jim’s exploits in his book, A Stray Cat Struts: My Life as a Rockabilly Rebel. It’s available on Amazon.
Slim Jim asks me about my life. I don’t really talk very much so that conversation was pretty short. He says “That’s cool, I like a mystery” shrugging that it leaves more to talk about next time. I think, “NEXT TIME? Is their going to be a next time??”. I try to keep my composure and motion to our actor/server friend for the bill. He delivers the receipt and congratulates me on my recent appearance on America’s Got Talent. He says he and his friends don’t understand what I’m doing, but they love it. I’ll admit it. I don’t understand what I’m doing either, but I gotta keep doing it.
As I pull out my bag of nickels to pay the bill, Slim Jim tries to pick up the tab. But I motion that I got this. Slim Jim gives me a big goodbye cuddle and goes on his way as I start counting out my nickels. The server waits patiently, laughing out loud. He said that he’s never had a clown pay a bill with nickels before. I leave him a fat tip in quarters with a note saying I’m a big fan of his work. Hooray for L.A. healthy choices and new true pals!
